Phantasma
by Randomonium
Summary: In the dead of the night when you’re fast asleep The ghosties and ghoulies and horrid wee beasties all come out to play. ShikaTema; Slightly AU. Rated for imagery.


**Phantasma**

In the dead of the night when you're fast asleep

The ghosties and ghoulies and horrid wee beasties all come out to play.

They laugh their nasty laughs and dance their ghastly dance

Until you jerk awake and they quietly slip away.

--

I'm dying.

I'm dying, and nothing's the same, I haven't told her, I haven't told her I love her and she doesn't know, doesn't care, will never know.

My vision grows blurry and I can't breath, I can't breath, I try but I can't, and I can't see, I can't see, I can't think I can't won't can't think breath tell her I didn't tell her I love her I lover her I never told her.

And now it's too late.

--

She's dying.

She's dying and I can't do anything about it.

Her eyes are wide and her face is pale and blood is welling up from her chest and bubbling up between her lips and she looks scared so scared and her lips are moving she's praying begging asking pleading begging me to help her to stop the pain to keep her alive to do something and I can't I can't help her save her. I want to, I want to so much I don't want her to die I don't want her to be gone and I'm scared and she's scared and I can't help her I don't know what to do and now she's dying and I can't do anything, I'm useless and she's reaching for me asking me afraid and I'm afraid more afraid and the panic rises because she's dying and I'm right here but she's still dying and I can't help her can't do anything even with my so-called genius there's nothing I can do about it nothing I can do to save her.

Nothing. I. Can. Do.

--

She's dead.

She's dead and I'm not.

--

They're dead.

Her brothers are dead and it's all my fault.

Her grief permeates the air in the form of a scream and she's crying crying crying and she never cries never I've never seen her cry but she's crying, crying because they're dead they're dead and I killed them and she knows she knows and she's backing away from me trembling, tears glistening on her cheeks and she's shaking her head because she can't believe it but it's true it's true I killed them I'm covered in their blood. She's still crying and now she's yelling she's sad angry horrified horrified at me at what I've done horrified at herself for being with me and for not knowing I was capable of such a thing not dreaming I would do anything like this she's yelling shouting screaming (crying) she doesn't want to see me doesn't want to know me doesn't want this to have happened doesn't want to believe but she has to because the evidence the bodies the blood is in front of her _everything is right there. _She's crying crying yelling shouting loving hating hating hating crying _she doesn't cry._

She's crying because they're dead.

And it's all my fault.

--

I'm running.

I'm running and I don't know why.

I don't know why I'm running but I am I'm running and I don't know why all I know is that I can't stop if I stop it's all over and I'm panicked and I don't know why and she's running with me we're both running running and she trips and falls and I can't stop running I can't look back and I want to stop I want to look back if she's not with me I want it all to be over but I can't my body won't allow me.

I can't stop.

I have to leave her behind.

--

It's a beautiful day.

She's smiling at me and laughing with me and I'm smiling and laughing with her and she's beautiful oh-so-beautiful so I kiss her, but she tastes different sweeter and I'm not sure if I like it it doesn't taste like her so I stop and look at her to ask her why she tastes different (as if she would know) but the words die on my lips because it's not her it's Ino and she's batting her lashes and smiling coyly it's Ino it's not her but it was her I'm sure of it but it's not it's Ino I kissed Ino and I feel sick, repulsed sick because there she is looking at me, betrayed, hurt, and I want to shout tell her it was a mistake but she's not there anymore I can't explain (I thought it was her) but Ino's here and why is Ino here she won't let go of me which isn't normal, isn't right, but she won't let go of me I want her to _go away_ I need to find Temari tell her explain to her I thought it was her _it was her _but it wasn't it was Ino I kissed Ino it all happened so quickly it wasn't was wasn't her.

What the hell just happened?

--

I love her.

I love her so much it hurts, but I can't find her. I've lost her.

I'm running through a maze, the hedges high, too high, and there are so many turns corners crossroads forks and I don't know where she is, I don't know where to find her. She's in here somewhere and time's running out but I don't know where she is and I don't know why time's running out but it is and I need to find her but I can't and this maze is confusing me, dizzying me, everything looks the same but I swear it's changing. Have I been here before? yes no yes I don't know.

Her scream rips through the air and I almost die of fright but urgency grips and I need to find her I need to find her now but I don't know where she is, I don't know where _I _am. I wish this damned maze would just disappear because I need to find her.

I've lost her.

--

I have to kill her.

Those are my orders. I have to kill her because she's a threat to the security of the organization, because suddenly I'm a top assassin of some organization and I've just been given orders to kill her. I ask how she's a threat, why she's a threat but I'm told to shut up and do my job- and kill her. So I have to. And I don't want to, I really don't want to, but I have to. Those are my orders.

And then I'm with her and I'm trying not to show my feelings, trying to be professional, trying to be efficient, trying to be my normal standard, trying to tell myself that she's just another hit, just another girl, but she's not, and nothing I'm thinking can convince me otherwise. So I'm trying to be my normal self but she notices (of course she does, I can't hide anything from her) and she knows something is wrong and I know that it's now or never, so the needle slips out ad she sees it and understands, stumbles back, tries to escape but I'm too good and I grab her and as the needle filled with death slips in I tell her I'm sorry and I have to whisper because if I don't my voice will crack. She can't talk, not because she's physically incapable, but she is mentally incapable because she knows she's dying, she knows that I did it. Her eyes are filled with disbelief, horror but at the same time acceptance, peace, love. I hate it. I hate it, I hate myself. Shout, scream, cry, hate me, hate me for the last little bit of your life, struggle, fight back, be scared, anything, just please don't accept it.

Her death is quick, I know, because this isn't the first time I've killed like this, but it feels like a lifetime and as she draws her last breath I realise why she's a threat to security, it's because I will tell her everything without prompting, I can't deny her anything, she's not the threat to security, I am. I'm the threat, but I'm an employee, she's not. She's expendable, I'm not. And because she has such a hold on me she has to go. I want to scream, I want to shout, I want to tell them that it's not her fault, it's me, kill me, not her, but I can't, the scream gets stuck in my throat, I'm horrified, disgusted with myself, I want to do something, my resolve has crumbled, I can't do this, but it's too late, she's already dead.

I break.

--

Each night, Shikamaru would awake with a start, sitting up in bed, covered in a cold sweat, breathing heavily, his most recent nightmare running around in his head, yet to fade away.

He would reach out next to him, look over to the other side of the bed to make sure she was there, sleeping peacefully next to him.

His mind appeased, he would lie back down and try to dispel the images from his mind, try to fall back asleep, tell himself that it was only a dream.

-END-

**A/N: Okay, so. The scences before were all nightmares of his, if you didn't realise. Phantasma is a word that means ghost or ghoul or something of the sort, although this got inspired when I was sitting in English reading Julius Caesar (it being our set Shakespeare) and the word is in a speech by Brutus, I think, and in the side notes it said it meant nightmare, so...**

**Anyway, I've juist felt like writing a scary (ish) story, and this was the result. As with all my stories recently it seems, this is VERY different from my usual stuff, so please PLEASE tell me what you thought. Hope you ...er... enjoyed it! ^^**


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